Ohio State plays Texas on Saturday. Ohio State plays Texas on Saturday.

For the second consecutive year, I am stuck in an ill-timed commitment that will result in my not being able to see the game live. Since I already wrote about this travesty last year, there’s no need to complain again. It’s beneath me. Actually, it’s totally not beneath me, but I just don’t have the energy. I need my strength for more productive endeavors, like thinking about Ohio State playing Texas on Saturday. 

Some quick nonsense, since I don’t have the patience this week to wake up from my scarlet and burnt orange haze of a daydream to piece together a real column:

• Texas QB Colt McCoy’s first name is actually Daniel. He’s a redshirt freshman and he’s already a poseur. Hopefully Vern Gholston knows this, and hopefully it really pisses him off.

• Longhorn starting DB Tarell Brown was asleep in a car with a loaded gun in his lap. There was marijuana in the car. The most amazing thing about the incident is that Marco Cooper was nowhere near the scene. Knowing my audience, the explanation of what Brown’s assignment was to be Saturday is unnecessary. Brown’s suspension for the game may be inconsequential because…

• Ted Ginn has never had a big game in September against a non-MAC team. Never ever?  Never ever.

• Godzillatron will make its prime time debut Saturday. Everything is big in Texas, except – apparently – the junior high school-sized bleachers in DKR Texas Memorial Stadium that make Godzillatron look even bigger than it is. That is kind of like John Holmes giving his satchel a haircut. Okay, we get it, Texas. You’re the man. 

• Just think about how cool the commercials for the Ohio State women’s lacrosse team would be in high definition on Godzillatron. It almost gives you scoreboard envy.

• ESPN has to be furious with the timing of the OSU/Texas game. If it were any other week, they wouldn’t have to be distracted from their throbbing fantasy lather over Joe Paterno and offensive genius Charlie Weis, who the NCAA foolishly gave nine months to prepare to score 14 points against an unranked ACC team that will play in a December bowl game. JoePa and Charlie Weis on the same field. All of Bristol is moist and giggling. But damn if No. 1 and No. 2 had to inconveniently play the same day. Fortunately for the Tiger Beat Magazine of Sports, Tarell Brown went out and got all gangster and Tressel got caught in that weird lie (really?) over whom he voted No. 1 in the coaches poll. Two juicy bits of crap to report breathlessly in the place of sports. Anything to avoid actually talking about football. Anything to alienate its chief demographic. Oh please, Maurice Clarett…please break into the city pound and hold the puppies hostage this week oh please oh please…Yeah, we’re comin’! To your cit-ay! 

• Admit it, you like the new uniforms reborn from those of the mid-eighties. They look almost exactly the same, except they fit better and they left out the red shoes, the EARLE headbands, and Spielman’s weird moustache. 

Enjoy the game. Tivo is wonderful, especially when it’s necessary.

Go Bucks

ramzy_bucknuts@yahoo.com